OK, it seems like every blog, blogger, blogger dog, blogger cousin, and secret blogger alien pal hiding in the basement is posting a list of nifty neato holiday gifts. Bah, Humbug! Nertz to all those lists. Here’s a practical list of what people REALLY need.
1) A clue. These are, admittedly, hard to come by. However, if you have one, it is best to share it with the people around you because, egads, they are in short supply.
2) Socks. I agree with Dumbledore, a nice pair of socks is a great thing to have. And hey, everyone needs them and no one wants to spend money on good ones for themselves.
3) Respect. Self-respect, respect for others. Whatever. Some sort of respect would be good.
4) Storage. DVDs are passé, USB2 is for n00bs. A Drobo from http://www.drobo.com/ might be cool for that friendly geek on your, “Oh crap, I’m never gonna get tech support unless I buy a nice present for Kreme!” list?
5) Humor, a sense of. As a friend of mine, now deceased, once said, “There is something to be said for grace and respect but humour alway helps”.
6) Kit, digital. Be it a new iPod Touch, or maybe a nice dSLR camera, or heck, an iPhone. Everyone could use more digital crap in their lives. If you’re truly desperate, maybe iTunes gift card.
7) Did I mention the needs for more clues? Oh, yes, I did.
8) A WiFi SD card for your less-techno-savvy friends. Automatically uploads the photos to the computer. http://www.eye.fi
9) Patience. Someone once said that, “Whatever business you are in, 95% of your customers are idiots; no matter how smart you are, for someone, somewhere, you are part of their 95%.” Words to live by. Try to remember that, even if you are answering the question for the 579th time, this is probably only the 1st or 2nd time that person has asked the question. Maybe 5th, but still.
10) got lots of money? Everyone loves the MacBook Pro. sure, this is technically digital kit, but it’s really expensive, so it deserves its own catagory. Even Windows Lusers.. er, users, covet the Mac Book, as it’s simply the best laptop on the market. Sure, it’s BETTER if you run OS X on it, but it runs Vista better than anything else. Don’t believe me? Fine, how about PC World?
Now, getting back to that clue/respect/patience portion of the list:
Here’s a good tip, if you use a Mac. Before firing off that email or making that blog post, have the computer voice Alex read it aloud to you. Do you sound like a prat? Do you sound like an asshole? Step back, try again. If you’re on a lesser computer, you have to read it aloud yourself, and this will mean you will sometimes think you are being funny and clever when you’re just being a shithead. Still, it will help.
Before firing off that flame, are you taking something personally that was meant as a joke? Is there even a chance that you are? Step the fuck back and reässess.